Everyone Self-Sabotages
Practically everyone self-sabotages. We all do it a little differently, but basically we all do it. Examples:
- Procrastination
- Perfectionism
- Alcohol use
- Too much social media
- Skipping the gym
Basically all of our “bad” behaviors serve to sabotage our success and keep us from reaching our goals. I’ve written about self-sabotage and 10 ways to stop doing it before, but here’s a quick bite of the why and how to fix it.
Why Everyone Self-Sabotages
No matter how you sabotage yourself, the reason it happens is the same. It essentially follows this process:
Something happens –> I have feelings about it –> I engage in my sabotaging behavior
Let’s look at some examples to illustrate this.
Example 1: Procrastination
Something happens: I think about working on that work project I’ve been putting off.
I have feelings about it: Overwhelm, not sure where to start, I can’t do it, I won’t do a good enough job, I just don’t wanna
I engage in my sabotaging behavior: I choose to do something else instead
Example 2: Wine
Something happens: I get home from work.
I have feelings about it: Stressed from the day, Annoyed about so many chores to do
I engage in my sabotaging behavior: Drink a glass of wine to “unwind”
How to Fix Self-Sabotage
The essence of self-sabotage is that your FEELINGS are choosing what your behavior is rather than YOU choosing.
Once you know this and once you can map out your three-step self-sabotage process, you can start to tackle it.
The “something happens” part will remain the same.
And the “I have feelings about it” part will also remain the same (unfortunately 
).
Your objective is to make a huge change between the “I have feelings about it” part and the “I engage in my sabotaging behavior” part.
By recognizing the feelings, you can implement all your great coping strategies. Those strategies won’t change the feelings, unfortunately, but they’ll help you build the strength to choose a different behavior and stop self-sabotaging. Rather than letting the feelings choose your behavior, your objective is to wedge your SELF in there and YOU choose your behavior.
For 10 strategies to stop self-sabotaging, check out this article. Or to work through this individually with your specific situation, schedule an appointment.
Hayden C. Finch, PhD, is a practicing psychologist based in Des Moines, Iowa, and Little Rock, Arkansas, dedicated to helping you master your mental health. She treats people with high functioning anxiety online across the US. Schedule an appointment here.
